What if Everyone Told the Truth?

This is a giant concept for some writer or philosopher out there to explore.

I've personally started a few story ideas and a couple of novels with this question as the main theme. But, I've abandoned those ideas and projects, mostly because I have had to literally comb through thin my expectations for my writing life, so I won't feel so overwhelmed, so I can focus on what works best for me. So many ideas and starts and so little time; I have enough great writing ideas and cool projects started to literally fill all the days of my life if I did nothing else but work on them. (Just like the reason for this blog.)

I said "mostly because". There is a small "partly because" to add here. I've abandoned this particular project nugget, because I can never live in it. I mean, I can't create the world, the characters, the situations, or the dialogue with fully honest truth-telling. It's a block I know I won't get over, because I know my heart and mind so well. It's my own shadow, and I can't shine a light on always telling the truth without feeling I'm cheating, if I as the messenger don't do the same. But, as we know, sometimes the truth hurts.

All of us have stuff stored that is only ours, for a reason. Choices we made, thoughts we hated having, embarrassment or shame, missed chances, crimes and misdemeanors, wrong impressions that are easier for others to have of us than for us to dispel so we maintain them because we can. And some of us, like me, perceive our own unlit aspects as too dark, enormously weighty, and not at ALL a good fit for the much larger, happier, more successful, conventional, loving, blessed aspects that really do compose the vast majority of our selves and our lives.

Ooh. Sorry, that was only going to be a "partly" bit. But, I suppose, if someone wants to write this idea, it's best they are warned about the territory they may also find themselves exploring.

However, I do sincerely believe this simple hook What if Everyone Told the Truth? is a gripping hypothesis and is connected to a potent line of consideration.


My first thought is that relationship, as a human endeavor, would be altered beyond recognition. It seems equally possible for any relationship to explode into oblivion or evolve into a warm nirvana when you apply the paradigm of everyone telling the truth. The quality of our relationships depends on the quality of our communications, so right there you have all kinds of cool what-if scenarios. Think about small children who haven't yet learned to edit their thoughts.

My middle daughter offers the most profound example in our family, and it's when I first got the idea for a storyline based on this concept. She wore her reactions on her sleeve and verbalized them when she had the words. There were the facts (Mommy, that man is faaaat. As we shared the elevator with him for 9 floors) and the opinions, too. (As the lady checked us out at the store: That lady has spiders on her eyes. No honey, that's just her make-up on her long eyelashes. It's scary. She buries her head in my shoulder. Oh, don't be scared. It's ugly like a doll! Okay, first hint at the aversion to the dolls who have those long eyelashes and just sit there looking at you. And yes, I taught the children manners and social graces and how not to say something if it isn't nice and.... ding ding ding! Big Idea.)

More specifically, imagine how your whole world would change if everyone suddenly started telling you the truth. Your parents. Your teachers. Your community leaders. The whole standard for...for... EVERYTHING would change. Would we recognize ourselves? Would we de-evolve? Would we become holy and pure and float around with no pain, as pain is caused by judgement, and there would be no good or bad if everything was Truth?

One story I started began with a long, somewhat shocking but not criminal or disgusting, laundry list of truths about a woman. She posed the question, what if you found out your dear friend or your church group leader.... how would you feel? Would you rather not know? Too late, because all those things are true about me. It was a suicide note. The rest of the story was to be told by the spirit of her unborn son, whom she had aborted years earlier, more for convenience and selfishness than any real hardship or fear.

Another story I started was being told by a man, who was 15 years older than his beloved (kind of his obsession, but he loved her wholly and she was special). He realized he loved her when he (writing professor) had her as community college student, but he also realized he had loved her since he met her, when she was four. She was angelic and a genius and a writing savant in his eyes. Saintlike, almost. He unearths her journals after she has gone missing, and slowly explores them, and discovers she was much much more than he knew. She, probably, was crazy, and not all good. Pained, even. Or brainwashed and controlled? He couldn't be sure but the story unfolds through his telling and reading of her journals. He thought she always told the truth but what happened when he read her personal truths. And were they truths at all?

Have at any of it. Hope it makes some sense. I feel the right writer could really shake up our emotions with this topic. I've always thought to do it as fiction, by the way, mostly because that's all I'm qualified to write. And partly because same as above.

Pre-Drawn and Pre-Carved Pumkins

It will be interesting to learn if anyone happens to pop into my blog here for a new idea, as it has been a looooong time since I posted one. But I've been saving this GREAT PUMPKIN idea for just such a month as October, which starts tomorrow.

Pumpkin farms, garden centers, swanky boutiques, craft fair artisans, and perhaps one day a few plain ole' produce aisles, will profit from this one. If you know any of those types, please pass this on.

Put some fabulous jack-o-lantern designs, of the caliper shown in magazines but which most of us can't really do ourselves, right there on the pumpkins.

There should be everything from a row of traditional geometric faces that smile and menace, to the super-creative non-facial kind of pumpkins I see from the likes of the Martha Stewarts of the world: cornucopia, fall leaves, a big branchy tree, etc.

I've often tried for a "different" sort of pumpkin display in the autumn. I've bought special carving tools and tried a couple how-to techniques. But to be done right, these things need a special kind of Halloween devotion I just don't seem to possess. Really I just want the roasted seeds, I think. Get that sea salt out. Once I even carved a supposed chrysanthemum where you don't really carve in, you just sort of whittle away at the various layers of pumpkin shell and flesh to create a soft array of colors and depth, but if you're me it really doesn't turn out how it looked in the picture after several minutes of trying and so you just go ahead and carve a couple of evil eyes in the middle while the seeds are in the oven, grab a candle and call it a night.

And then you say out loud, for at least the twentieth time, "Someone should print some really great looking carving lines on pumpkins that you can buy and do yourself. Like paint by number kits or sewing patterns. And for those of us in a hurry (like maybe it was a really busy month and we couldn't get to the pumpkin buying until the last moment, and now the doorbell will be ringing soon and the candy is not yet in the bowl, and the spells and hexes are not fully cast and put on, and the eye of newt is still rare as anything in that still lukewarm cauldron, let alone the jack o lantern being carved) someone should actually sell pre-carved pumpkins! And they should make sure there is the bag of toasted seeds from that pumpkin attached to that sale."

You know, I would love to buy a Cat in the Hat face or the Scarecrow or a haunted house, or a gypsy. Oh, yes, that's it. I must have a gyspy: her gaudy face and hoop earrings and dark hands carved on one giant pumpkin, with another small white pumpkin below it, to represent the crystal ball. And on that crystal ball, a pencil thin carving of a little foggy bog, with a very small BOO! for those special children who bother to look close enough whilst waiting for their Willy Wonka treats, bags open, polite anticipation on their faces while I at the same time wait for them to say the words. Because they don't get the treats without the words, that's my trick.

And they don't get any Almond Joy, period, as those are mine.

Yes, someone DO this one! This could really fly. Like the Great Pumpkin.

Six Degrees of Bloggeration

Someone should start a blog that will simply show us how many known blogs, in multiples of six, it would take to connect all the blogs in the blogosphere.

Want to get in on blogging but don't have a good idea to start your blog? This one will be simple:

1. Just start the blog with a brief explanation and list six blogs you know of. All the better if you like them. You're more apt to get the response needed to make this cool blog experiment work.

2. In the meantime, contact those six blogs and say, "Hey, check out this cool blog experiment! I just mentioned your blog and five others. Please take a moment to come over to my blog and leave a comment listing six blogs you know of. All the better if you like them."

3. Start a list on your blog of all the newly referred groups of six blogs, then contact those blogs and and ask the same of them. It would be great if you could ask that no one duplicate the others on the list already, if at all possible. Though, I still think it's okay if there is crossover. It's still a connection, even if it doesn't offer another degree. But limiting repeats would be best.

4. Obviously, you'll need to continue to list them all out on your blog. I think a simple list in order of a) when the blogs were referred and b) by which other blog would be the best way to start. Sure, some sort of a weblike organization chart depiction would be interesting, but it won't be necessary. A separate alphabetical list would also be a good idea, so bloggers could look for their own blogs and others they know of on the list.

That's all. It's a big ole blog chain. Your blog will probably become famous, at least among bloggers, if you take this idea and run with it. Oh, and please mention my blog on your first list of six!

Handy Women

Someone should start a home repair and maintenance company with an all-female staff of field workers. Women are a rarity in the home improvement, construction and appliance repair worlds. I know there are some very successful female car dealers and auto mechanics, but still it's a novelty. All of these male dominated areas could become springboards for a chain of expert service providers who happen to be girls. What a niche! Home inspections, too. If someone really wanted to exploit the female brand aspect, they could do it by outfitting the ladies with neat pink toolbelts and toolboxes.

Women place a large percentage of the calls in for in home handyman and repair services. There are plenty of single female households and stay at home moms who would appreciate the extra security of letting a woman in the door to do the work instead of a guy. And surely there are plenty of husbands who might find it appealing to have a woman with an eye for detail putting up chair rail and installing the custom cabinets, whether or not they are home during the job. It's also a quirky feel-good kinda thing. Like mannies (men nannies) and male maids (not mermen).

Actually, there already are a couple of tool manufacturers that make "girl-sized" grips for power drills and stuff. The market is there. Everywhere. I see a national franchise in the future.

Chicks with....tools.

Superheroes, Skits & Syndication

Superhero (or just as easily, Super Villain): Repello-Man. He is rubber you are glue, everything you say (or do) bounces off of him and stick to you. A foe says, "Take THAT, Repello-Man!!" and the boiling hot acid he dumps out of the vat over Repello-Man's head pours all over the acid-dumper himself. An enemy says, "Eat poop and die," and oopsies, said enemy suddenly keels over with a mouthful.

The softer qualities of this superhero (or, the female version, Backatcha Girl?) could include compliments paid and kindnesses offered. A cab driver doesn't run up her meter, and his next fare tips him double. Donald Trump tells her "Your hair looks nice like that," and suddenly he has a nice-looking hairdo. A dying Repello-Man says "Don't worry about me, save yourself!" and is not only saved himself, but doesn't have to worry about Backatcha Girl, either.

I'm sure having a reflective shield is probably already a super power, but this one is personal and direct. What goes around comes around right away, to the one who put it in play.

~~~~~~~~
Reoccurring skit character for SNL: Mr. Obvious. Just think about it. I probably don't have to explain more, but let me give you a couple examples anyway. Mr. Obvious is at an executive team meeting. The CFO reports that their fiscal year is closing soon, expenditures are way over budget and gross profits saw a 20% decrease last quarter. Anyone have any comments on that? Yes, Mr. Obvious, go ahead. "Well, that is bad news, gentlemen. We are spending too much money. We are making less many than we used to."

And that's it. Everyone just looks around at each other half nodding their head. Freeze on his furrowed brow and start the theme song. "When you're tired of clear opinions, when your sick of hearing things that are fresh and new, call on the man with none of the answers--He's Mr. Obvious... he hasn't got a clue."

Mr. and Mrs. Obvious would be a riot at a special occasion. Mr. Obvious says, look dear, the bride is crying. Mrs. Obvious sighs and smiles, "That's because there are tears coming out of her eyes."

The Obvious Family Reunion.... the black sheep, Dick, the Contradictory Cousin...

~~~~~~~~

Weekly Syndicated Column in sort of a personal humorous essay critique-y kind of style (As if Erma Bombeck and Andy Rooney had a female love child. Okay, eww. Still, it's a good idea, read on.):

Mommentary
That's right, it rhymes with Commentary, but it's written from a funny cranky mom's perspective. A little Roseanne, but it's real. Write it on universal, timely topics that make it worthy of space in the Sunday paper by the horoscopes and Miss Manners. Or, maybe it should go right in the Editorial section. Because cranky moms have a lot of good ideas. (I should know.) Like the need to end the cruelty inflicted by school supply shopping lists issued by elementary schools and their teachers. Fiskars indeed. HOW many boxes of tissue per child? Or what about so called "holidays" that force mothers into slave mall shopping labor, searching for the right color cell phone covers for teenagers who just a few months earlier said, "I wrote you poem for Mother's Day" or who say they were going to make you breakfast in bed, but you got up too early?

Some serious issues should be covered as well. A Mommentary on the presidential election: let's meet the candidates' mothers and hear what they have to say. Not so much, did they always know their baby could grow up to be president?, but more like, what did they do to these children, to cause them to become politicians? Things like that. Mommentaries.

That could turn into a SNL news feature, too. A little Roseanna Roseannadanna. (But naturally it could never be as funny. "We need more violins on TV!" If you're 30 or under you should rent a Best Of SNL dvd from the 70's to know what I'm talking about. )

Golf ‘n Roll

Enough with the jungle, pirate and medieval themes for mini-golf courses. I promise you that someone will become very rich indeed if they build a Rock ‘n Roll themed franchise of golf courses.

What better way to share a classic game of touristy or birthday party miniature golf than by sharing rock and pop classics from the last 50 years? First, there needs to be music, and it should be rather loud. Now here are some ideas for holes:

Let me start with the final hole, number 18, Stairway to Heaven. You know what this one is going to look like. If you don’t make it up the stairway to the clouds to get your free game, guess where your ball is going to drop straight down to?

The major group themes should be present:

The Rolling Stones is a hole where you roll your ball down over a wall of stones, but first it has to go up and over a big tongue into the hole.

The Beach Boys hole has a water and sand feature, of course.

The Beatles should have not only a group theme but a couple of song-related holes as well. We need a ball to be hit off a rooftop, maybe into a diseased looking armchair. Maybe one set up to be hit into the hole of a Sgt. Peppery tuba. How about a Yellow Submarine that moves up and down so you have to hit over it when in goes under? A hole for the white album could be 100% white and smooth. Clearly, I could go on.

Thriller. Needs a graveyard, zombies, etc.

Purple Rain. we should have to sweep that one through a line of water and purple bead strings.

I’m not touching Like a Virgin. But for Vogue, you could have various arms angling up and out at different points along the green.

Old school needs to be represented. Jailhouse Rock, through the cell doors. Johnny B. Goode features a cabin made of earth and wood. Peppermint Twist would be a cool one. If you’re missing the traditional jungle golf theme, we can have a The Lion Sleeps Tonight hole. And remember we can always move into the Motown era for more mini-golf course traditions, like Tears of a Clown.

In fact, I’m thinking this needs to be a two-sided, 36-hole course. The Golden Age and the Classic Era. Because I don’t want to pick between the Everly Brothers and Cream, or The Supremes and Jimi Hendrix. I'll golf twice.

Between each hole, as we move along the Golf 'n Roll path to the next, have Walk This Way by Aerosmith playing behind the lighted arrows. And The Long and Winding Road. And These Boots Were Made for Walkin’. If we want someone to stop goofing around and putt already, we can press a button that plays The Waiting by Tom Petty, Waiting in Vain by Bob Marley, or…

Okay. Free Bird.

See what I mean? Expand on this idea for various genres, too. What about a crooners and swingers theme? Plus a Broadway/show tunes course is going to pull people in that have never dreamed of mini-golfing before in their life.

Gawd, somebody HAS to DO this one, am I right?

Handbag Holders in Cars

Automobile Designers: Please create an interior space in cars where ladies' purses can be stowed.

You've done it for maps, gloves, books, soccer schedules, baby wipes, CDs, money, cell phones, travel cups, water bottles, arm rests, safety seats, spare tires, sunglasses, garage door openers, and more.

Since we're the ones who carry the bags containing any or all of the above for ourselves and all the other travellers once we're out of the car, perhaps you could do us the favor of your consideration and create a stowaway space that will keep our purses off the floor with the pebbles and road dust and spilled coffee, in a spot where everybody's dirty shoes wont be able to smash our handbags over to the side and furthermore cause them to tumble out onto the parking lot when the car door open, spilling all the aforementioned items across the blacktop, where they will inevitably begin to roll downhill, away from said car door, or be crushed under the trampling feet of those exiting the vehicle, or, if made of paper, blow away?

Thank you.