Someone should start a home repair and maintenance company with an all-female staff of field workers. Women are a rarity in the home improvement, construction and appliance repair worlds. I know there are some very successful female car dealers and auto mechanics, but still it's a novelty. All of these male dominated areas could become springboards for a chain of expert service providers who happen to be girls. What a niche! Home inspections, too. If someone really wanted to exploit the female brand aspect, they could do it by outfitting the ladies with neat pink toolbelts and toolboxes.
Women place a large percentage of the calls in for in home handyman and repair services. There are plenty of single female households and stay at home moms who would appreciate the extra security of letting a woman in the door to do the work instead of a guy. And surely there are plenty of husbands who might find it appealing to have a woman with an eye for detail putting up chair rail and installing the custom cabinets, whether or not they are home during the job. It's also a quirky feel-good kinda thing. Like mannies (men nannies) and male maids (not mermen).
Actually, there already are a couple of tool manufacturers that make "girl-sized" grips for power drills and stuff. The market is there. Everywhere. I see a national franchise in the future.
Chicks with....tools.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Superheroes, Skits & Syndication
Superhero (or just as easily, Super Villain): Repello-Man. He is rubber you are glue, everything you say (or do) bounces off of him and stick to you. A foe says, "Take THAT, Repello-Man!!" and the boiling hot acid he dumps out of the vat over Repello-Man's head pours all over the acid-dumper himself. An enemy says, "Eat poop and die," and oopsies, said enemy suddenly keels over with a mouthful.
The softer qualities of this superhero (or, the female version, Backatcha Girl?) could include compliments paid and kindnesses offered. A cab driver doesn't run up her meter, and his next fare tips him double. Donald Trump tells her "Your hair looks nice like that," and suddenly he has a nice-looking hairdo. A dying Repello-Man says "Don't worry about me, save yourself!" and is not only saved himself, but doesn't have to worry about Backatcha Girl, either.
I'm sure having a reflective shield is probably already a super power, but this one is personal and direct. What goes around comes around right away, to the one who put it in play.
~~~~~~~~
Reoccurring skit character for SNL: Mr. Obvious. Just think about it. I probably don't have to explain more, but let me give you a couple examples anyway. Mr. Obvious is at an executive team meeting. The CFO reports that their fiscal year is closing soon, expenditures are way over budget and gross profits saw a 20% decrease last quarter. Anyone have any comments on that? Yes, Mr. Obvious, go ahead. "Well, that is bad news, gentlemen. We are spending too much money. We are making less many than we used to."
And that's it. Everyone just looks around at each other half nodding their head. Freeze on his furrowed brow and start the theme song. "When you're tired of clear opinions, when your sick of hearing things that are fresh and new, call on the man with none of the answers--He's Mr. Obvious... he hasn't got a clue."
Mr. and Mrs. Obvious would be a riot at a special occasion. Mr. Obvious says, look dear, the bride is crying. Mrs. Obvious sighs and smiles, "That's because there are tears coming out of her eyes."
The Obvious Family Reunion.... the black sheep, Dick, the Contradictory Cousin...
~~~~~~~~
Weekly Syndicated Column in sort of a personal humorous essay critique-y kind of style (As if Erma Bombeck and Andy Rooney had a female love child. Okay, eww. Still, it's a good idea, read on.):
Mommentary
That's right, it rhymes with Commentary, but it's written from a funny cranky mom's perspective. A little Roseanne, but it's real. Write it on universal, timely topics that make it worthy of space in the Sunday paper by the horoscopes and Miss Manners. Or, maybe it should go right in the Editorial section. Because cranky moms have a lot of good ideas. (I should know.) Like the need to end the cruelty inflicted by school supply shopping lists issued by elementary schools and their teachers. Fiskars indeed. HOW many boxes of tissue per child? Or what about so called "holidays" that force mothers into slave mall shopping labor, searching for the right color cell phone covers for teenagers who just a few months earlier said, "I wrote you poem for Mother's Day" or who say they were going to make you breakfast in bed, but you got up too early?
Some serious issues should be covered as well. A Mommentary on the presidential election: let's meet the candidates' mothers and hear what they have to say. Not so much, did they always know their baby could grow up to be president?, but more like, what did they do to these children, to cause them to become politicians? Things like that. Mommentaries.
That could turn into a SNL news feature, too. A little Roseanna Roseannadanna. (But naturally it could never be as funny. "We need more violins on TV!" If you're 30 or under you should rent a Best Of SNL dvd from the 70's to know what I'm talking about. )
The softer qualities of this superhero (or, the female version, Backatcha Girl?) could include compliments paid and kindnesses offered. A cab driver doesn't run up her meter, and his next fare tips him double. Donald Trump tells her "Your hair looks nice like that," and suddenly he has a nice-looking hairdo. A dying Repello-Man says "Don't worry about me, save yourself!" and is not only saved himself, but doesn't have to worry about Backatcha Girl, either.
I'm sure having a reflective shield is probably already a super power, but this one is personal and direct. What goes around comes around right away, to the one who put it in play.
~~~~~~~~
Reoccurring skit character for SNL: Mr. Obvious. Just think about it. I probably don't have to explain more, but let me give you a couple examples anyway. Mr. Obvious is at an executive team meeting. The CFO reports that their fiscal year is closing soon, expenditures are way over budget and gross profits saw a 20% decrease last quarter. Anyone have any comments on that? Yes, Mr. Obvious, go ahead. "Well, that is bad news, gentlemen. We are spending too much money. We are making less many than we used to."
And that's it. Everyone just looks around at each other half nodding their head. Freeze on his furrowed brow and start the theme song. "When you're tired of clear opinions, when your sick of hearing things that are fresh and new, call on the man with none of the answers--He's Mr. Obvious... he hasn't got a clue."
Mr. and Mrs. Obvious would be a riot at a special occasion. Mr. Obvious says, look dear, the bride is crying. Mrs. Obvious sighs and smiles, "That's because there are tears coming out of her eyes."
The Obvious Family Reunion.... the black sheep, Dick, the Contradictory Cousin...
~~~~~~~~
Weekly Syndicated Column in sort of a personal humorous essay critique-y kind of style (As if Erma Bombeck and Andy Rooney had a female love child. Okay, eww. Still, it's a good idea, read on.):
Mommentary
That's right, it rhymes with Commentary, but it's written from a funny cranky mom's perspective. A little Roseanne, but it's real. Write it on universal, timely topics that make it worthy of space in the Sunday paper by the horoscopes and Miss Manners. Or, maybe it should go right in the Editorial section. Because cranky moms have a lot of good ideas. (I should know.) Like the need to end the cruelty inflicted by school supply shopping lists issued by elementary schools and their teachers. Fiskars indeed. HOW many boxes of tissue per child? Or what about so called "holidays" that force mothers into slave mall shopping labor, searching for the right color cell phone covers for teenagers who just a few months earlier said, "I wrote you poem for Mother's Day" or who say they were going to make you breakfast in bed, but you got up too early?
Some serious issues should be covered as well. A Mommentary on the presidential election: let's meet the candidates' mothers and hear what they have to say. Not so much, did they always know their baby could grow up to be president?, but more like, what did they do to these children, to cause them to become politicians? Things like that. Mommentaries.
That could turn into a SNL news feature, too. A little Roseanna Roseannadanna. (But naturally it could never be as funny. "We need more violins on TV!" If you're 30 or under you should rent a Best Of SNL dvd from the 70's to know what I'm talking about. )
Monday, May 5, 2008
Golf ‘n Roll
Enough with the jungle, pirate and medieval themes for mini-golf courses. I promise you that someone will become very rich indeed if they build a Rock ‘n Roll themed franchise of golf courses.
What better way to share a classic game of touristy or birthday party miniature golf than by sharing rock and pop classics from the last 50 years? First, there needs to be music, and it should be rather loud. Now here are some ideas for holes:
Let me start with the final hole, number 18, Stairway to Heaven. You know what this one is going to look like. If you don’t make it up the stairway to the clouds to get your free game, guess where your ball is going to drop straight down to?
The major group themes should be present:
The Rolling Stones is a hole where you roll your ball down over a wall of stones, but first it has to go up and over a big tongue into the hole.
The Beach Boys hole has a water and sand feature, of course.
The Beatles should have not only a group theme but a couple of song-related holes as well. We need a ball to be hit off a rooftop, maybe into a diseased looking armchair. Maybe one set up to be hit into the hole of a Sgt. Peppery tuba. How about a Yellow Submarine that moves up and down so you have to hit over it when in goes under? A hole for the white album could be 100% white and smooth. Clearly, I could go on.
Thriller. Needs a graveyard, zombies, etc.
Purple Rain. we should have to sweep that one through a line of water and purple bead strings.
I’m not touching Like a Virgin. But for Vogue, you could have various arms angling up and out at different points along the green.
Old school needs to be represented. Jailhouse Rock, through the cell doors. Johnny B. Goode features a cabin made of earth and wood. Peppermint Twist would be a cool one. If you’re missing the traditional jungle golf theme, we can have a The Lion Sleeps Tonight hole. And remember we can always move into the Motown era for more mini-golf course traditions, like Tears of a Clown.
In fact, I’m thinking this needs to be a two-sided, 36-hole course. The Golden Age and the Classic Era. Because I don’t want to pick between the Everly Brothers and Cream, or The Supremes and Jimi Hendrix. I'll golf twice.
Between each hole, as we move along the Golf 'n Roll path to the next, have Walk This Way by Aerosmith playing behind the lighted arrows. And The Long and Winding Road. And These Boots Were Made for Walkin’. If we want someone to stop goofing around and putt already, we can press a button that plays The Waiting by Tom Petty, Waiting in Vain by Bob Marley, or…
Okay. Free Bird.
See what I mean? Expand on this idea for various genres, too. What about a crooners and swingers theme? Plus a Broadway/show tunes course is going to pull people in that have never dreamed of mini-golfing before in their life.
Gawd, somebody HAS to DO this one, am I right?
What better way to share a classic game of touristy or birthday party miniature golf than by sharing rock and pop classics from the last 50 years? First, there needs to be music, and it should be rather loud. Now here are some ideas for holes:
Let me start with the final hole, number 18, Stairway to Heaven. You know what this one is going to look like. If you don’t make it up the stairway to the clouds to get your free game, guess where your ball is going to drop straight down to?
The major group themes should be present:
The Rolling Stones is a hole where you roll your ball down over a wall of stones, but first it has to go up and over a big tongue into the hole.
The Beach Boys hole has a water and sand feature, of course.
The Beatles should have not only a group theme but a couple of song-related holes as well. We need a ball to be hit off a rooftop, maybe into a diseased looking armchair. Maybe one set up to be hit into the hole of a Sgt. Peppery tuba. How about a Yellow Submarine that moves up and down so you have to hit over it when in goes under? A hole for the white album could be 100% white and smooth. Clearly, I could go on.
Thriller. Needs a graveyard, zombies, etc.
Purple Rain. we should have to sweep that one through a line of water and purple bead strings.
I’m not touching Like a Virgin. But for Vogue, you could have various arms angling up and out at different points along the green.
Old school needs to be represented. Jailhouse Rock, through the cell doors. Johnny B. Goode features a cabin made of earth and wood. Peppermint Twist would be a cool one. If you’re missing the traditional jungle golf theme, we can have a The Lion Sleeps Tonight hole. And remember we can always move into the Motown era for more mini-golf course traditions, like Tears of a Clown.
In fact, I’m thinking this needs to be a two-sided, 36-hole course. The Golden Age and the Classic Era. Because I don’t want to pick between the Everly Brothers and Cream, or The Supremes and Jimi Hendrix. I'll golf twice.
Between each hole, as we move along the Golf 'n Roll path to the next, have Walk This Way by Aerosmith playing behind the lighted arrows. And The Long and Winding Road. And These Boots Were Made for Walkin’. If we want someone to stop goofing around and putt already, we can press a button that plays The Waiting by Tom Petty, Waiting in Vain by Bob Marley, or…
Okay. Free Bird.
See what I mean? Expand on this idea for various genres, too. What about a crooners and swingers theme? Plus a Broadway/show tunes course is going to pull people in that have never dreamed of mini-golfing before in their life.
Gawd, somebody HAS to DO this one, am I right?
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