Superheroes, Skits & Syndication

Superhero (or just as easily, Super Villain): Repello-Man. He is rubber you are glue, everything you say (or do) bounces off of him and stick to you. A foe says, "Take THAT, Repello-Man!!" and the boiling hot acid he dumps out of the vat over Repello-Man's head pours all over the acid-dumper himself. An enemy says, "Eat poop and die," and oopsies, said enemy suddenly keels over with a mouthful.

The softer qualities of this superhero (or, the female version, Backatcha Girl?) could include compliments paid and kindnesses offered. A cab driver doesn't run up her meter, and his next fare tips him double. Donald Trump tells her "Your hair looks nice like that," and suddenly he has a nice-looking hairdo. A dying Repello-Man says "Don't worry about me, save yourself!" and is not only saved himself, but doesn't have to worry about Backatcha Girl, either.

I'm sure having a reflective shield is probably already a super power, but this one is personal and direct. What goes around comes around right away, to the one who put it in play.

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Reoccurring skit character for SNL: Mr. Obvious. Just think about it. I probably don't have to explain more, but let me give you a couple examples anyway. Mr. Obvious is at an executive team meeting. The CFO reports that their fiscal year is closing soon, expenditures are way over budget and gross profits saw a 20% decrease last quarter. Anyone have any comments on that? Yes, Mr. Obvious, go ahead. "Well, that is bad news, gentlemen. We are spending too much money. We are making less many than we used to."

And that's it. Everyone just looks around at each other half nodding their head. Freeze on his furrowed brow and start the theme song. "When you're tired of clear opinions, when your sick of hearing things that are fresh and new, call on the man with none of the answers--He's Mr. Obvious... he hasn't got a clue."

Mr. and Mrs. Obvious would be a riot at a special occasion. Mr. Obvious says, look dear, the bride is crying. Mrs. Obvious sighs and smiles, "That's because there are tears coming out of her eyes."

The Obvious Family Reunion.... the black sheep, Dick, the Contradictory Cousin...

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Weekly Syndicated Column in sort of a personal humorous essay critique-y kind of style (As if Erma Bombeck and Andy Rooney had a female love child. Okay, eww. Still, it's a good idea, read on.):

Mommentary
That's right, it rhymes with Commentary, but it's written from a funny cranky mom's perspective. A little Roseanne, but it's real. Write it on universal, timely topics that make it worthy of space in the Sunday paper by the horoscopes and Miss Manners. Or, maybe it should go right in the Editorial section. Because cranky moms have a lot of good ideas. (I should know.) Like the need to end the cruelty inflicted by school supply shopping lists issued by elementary schools and their teachers. Fiskars indeed. HOW many boxes of tissue per child? Or what about so called "holidays" that force mothers into slave mall shopping labor, searching for the right color cell phone covers for teenagers who just a few months earlier said, "I wrote you poem for Mother's Day" or who say they were going to make you breakfast in bed, but you got up too early?

Some serious issues should be covered as well. A Mommentary on the presidential election: let's meet the candidates' mothers and hear what they have to say. Not so much, did they always know their baby could grow up to be president?, but more like, what did they do to these children, to cause them to become politicians? Things like that. Mommentaries.

That could turn into a SNL news feature, too. A little Roseanna Roseannadanna. (But naturally it could never be as funny. "We need more violins on TV!" If you're 30 or under you should rent a Best Of SNL dvd from the 70's to know what I'm talking about. )